I have a new boyfriend as of Oct 11 (officially) and I’m in love with him. But I keep every now and then, thinking about Jim. How much I hate him and how much he hurt me. I just want closure I guess, but I feel terrible for lying to Brian about what happened with Jim. And I hate that I still put enough emotional effort into him to hate him.
I just wish he’d own up and get punished. He never had to feel hurt or rejected and it isnt fair.
Also I’m such a whore. One month anniversary, gave it away. Who loses their virginity after dating a guy for a month?
Also giving a blow job is one of the most horrible things in the world. I dont know how girls do it, jesus christ, never again. never. worst taste. Suffocating. just awful.
ew.
okay slash end emotional release.
Actually
I’m really happy right now.
wh00ty replied to your post: So I just had an hour long conversation with…
I’m literally thrilled that you’re doing better :))))))
<3 thank you <333
I think I really had a big break through tonight. And I’m feeling really positive and relieved. and ahhh, I hope it lasts
So I just had an hour long conversation with someone I just realized is my best friend even though we met on omegle. So great…
But he helped me realize I really do need to get better. I have lost 10 pounds in a week without any exercising, that is just not good. I cant keep doing what I’m doing. I cant stock pile medication in case one day I decide to kill myself. I can’t keep doing this shit.
I finally have someone in my life that really truly cares about me and if I cant accept his love and feelings for me we’ll never work out. If our relationship ends because of my insanity I’ll never forgive myself and it’ll end badly.
So what needs to happen? I need to get better. I don’t want to lose him, and my problems havent scared him off so far, and he has been committed to saying he isnt going to give up on me. So why not let him in on it? Tell him what’s going on, open up. Maybe he can help, maybe not. But if I dont feel like I’m lying and hiding things then I’ll be 1000% better off.
I feel freed. I feel like maybe I dont deserve to be miserable for the rest of my life. I can be better. I can be happier. I can have a healthy relationship.
Things can be okay. I just gotta remember a few things.
What is the point of telling him? So I dont have to be manic because I know I’m hiding things. Why do I want to keep him? Because this is my last chance. I have met an amazing person and things can be really really good.
I deserve this. He deserves it. It’s not a burden to him. Everyone has problems, it’s not something to feel guilty about. People stick around because they love you, and are willing to accept any flaws.
If this great guy can love you, you can certainly love yourself. You are worthwhile, worthy, important, special.
Be the one that wins.
